Melancholy

This time of year is always interesting for me... being reborn again and again. Somehow though, as time passes it becomes harder and harder to find my root. Perhaps its because each year I either stray farther and farther away, or I stay so close that I don't even realize it for what it is anymore.

Swainson

Coming down to Scripps on the shuttle, we almost ran over what I think was a young Swainson's Hawk. It was struggling to get off the ground with a fresh squirrel when our van came barreling down on it. It made the wise choice to drop its lunch for a faster get away.

The driver was like "crazy bird" and the girl in the passenger seat was like "aww its nature in action", and I was like "its probably endangered" thinking it was a young (and really freaking small) golden eagle...

The girl looked at me as if I were a freak. Whatever... The bird was probably 2.5~4ft wing span... I love Swainson's hawks... they are so freaking cool looking.

23

Sigh... haven't had too much time to think... the whole getting older contemplations will have to wait until Wednesday...

L. B.

You entered my dreams again last night.
Its been awhile since the last time.
Funny enough, I was dreaming about something else
but I pulled us back to my apartment
back to my time.
You were surprised.

I had been in the warehouse
of my childhood with people
of my most recent growth.
When you came I knew something
had changed.
You had died.

We talked. We caught up.
Sitting in the living room
whispering to keep from waking
him up. In the water, of your house
for some ridiculous reason
your whole family had passed.

Mitch woke up,
and he could see you too.
You lied and said your "physical
manifestation had been completed".
You were always different.
Others may not have noticed it,
but you were always special.

~

A new year

It's funny how I count my years in the number of Novembers that have passed... here's the 17th... and this year seems to be special. It looks like my first task will be to face a demon that I have never really had the reason or courage to face. Next time... a list of thank yous for thanksgiving... maybe. It will definitely show how I objectify different parts of my relationships with people into lessons... a lot of them were not necessarily meant to be that way, and I'm not sure if I should share that kind of information yet.