Sigh... here we go again... one more round of loss this year just for good measure...
let's eat dinner, maybe my luck will improve after some food.
Sunday, December 30, 2007
Saturday, December 29, 2007
Bliss
There are times when I feel like I'm drowning in your beauty.
Now is one of those times.
How can one's existence be so fortunate and blessed yet so cursed at the same time? It doesn't make much sense, but I can't do much but accept it eventually. So why not now?
Now is one of those times.
How can one's existence be so fortunate and blessed yet so cursed at the same time? It doesn't make much sense, but I can't do much but accept it eventually. So why not now?
Thursday, December 27, 2007
Peace
I'm already regretting this one... but its for the better.
I think 2008 will be a better year... at least the last few days of 07 are starting to come together.
I think 2008 will be a better year... at least the last few days of 07 are starting to come together.
Blast from the Past
Volatility seems to be the highlight of my life at the moment. Perhaps it has always been there at the core of my time here.
This is going to be interesting. It seems I owe someone a lot of something. I'm sorry I've been such a horrible friend. I'm sorry I'm so twisted. I'm confused myself. One day it might all unravel itself... or perhaps I'll just drop everything. I am no ascetic though, so the former will have to prevail. Hopefully sooner than later.
This is going to be interesting. It seems I owe someone a lot of something. I'm sorry I've been such a horrible friend. I'm sorry I'm so twisted. I'm confused myself. One day it might all unravel itself... or perhaps I'll just drop everything. I am no ascetic though, so the former will have to prevail. Hopefully sooner than later.
Wednesday, December 26, 2007
Tuesday, December 25, 2007
Monday, December 24, 2007
Don't Shoot Me Santa
Oh Santa
I’ve been waiting on you
That’s funny kid
Because I’ve been coming for you
Oh Santa
I’ve been killing just for fun
Well the party’s over kid
Because I
Because I got a bullet in my gun
A bullet in your what?
Santa’s got a bullet in his gun
You know it, Santa’s got a bullet in his gun
Don’t shoot me Santa Claus
I’ve been a clean living boy
I promise you
Did every little thing you asked me to
I can’t believe the things I’m going through
Don’t shoot me Santa Claus
Well no one else around believes me
But the children on the block they tease me
I couldn’t let them off that easy
Oh Santa
It’s been a real hard year
There just ain’t no gettin’ around this
Life is hard
But look at me
I turned out alright
Hey Santa
Why don’t we talk about it?
Work it out
Believe me
This ain’t what I wanted
I love all you kids, you know that
Hell, I remember when you were just 10 years old
Playing out there in the desert
Just waiting for a sip of that sweet Mojave rain
In the sweet Mojave rain
The boy was on his own
Don’t shoot me Santa Claus
I’ve been a clean living boy
I promise you
Did every little thing you asked me to
I can’t believe the things I’m going through
Hey Santa Claus
Well no one else around believes me
But the children on the block they tease me
I couldn’t let them off that easy
They had it coming
So why can’t you see?
I couldn’t turn my cheek no longer
The sun is going down and Christmas is near
Just look the other way and I’ll disappear forever
Woo!
Don’t shoot me Santa Claus
Well no one else around believes me
But the children on the street they tease me
I couldn’t let them off that easy
Believe me
Santa
Santa
~The Killers~
Found this song on the radio... and its funny and sad that I can relate to it in so many different ways.
I’ve been waiting on you
That’s funny kid
Because I’ve been coming for you
Oh Santa
I’ve been killing just for fun
Well the party’s over kid
Because I
Because I got a bullet in my gun
A bullet in your what?
Santa’s got a bullet in his gun
You know it, Santa’s got a bullet in his gun
Don’t shoot me Santa Claus
I’ve been a clean living boy
I promise you
Did every little thing you asked me to
I can’t believe the things I’m going through
Don’t shoot me Santa Claus
Well no one else around believes me
But the children on the block they tease me
I couldn’t let them off that easy
Oh Santa
It’s been a real hard year
There just ain’t no gettin’ around this
Life is hard
But look at me
I turned out alright
Hey Santa
Why don’t we talk about it?
Work it out
Believe me
This ain’t what I wanted
I love all you kids, you know that
Hell, I remember when you were just 10 years old
Playing out there in the desert
Just waiting for a sip of that sweet Mojave rain
In the sweet Mojave rain
The boy was on his own
Don’t shoot me Santa Claus
I’ve been a clean living boy
I promise you
Did every little thing you asked me to
I can’t believe the things I’m going through
Hey Santa Claus
Well no one else around believes me
But the children on the block they tease me
I couldn’t let them off that easy
They had it coming
So why can’t you see?
I couldn’t turn my cheek no longer
The sun is going down and Christmas is near
Just look the other way and I’ll disappear forever
Woo!
Don’t shoot me Santa Claus
Well no one else around believes me
But the children on the street they tease me
I couldn’t let them off that easy
Believe me
Santa
Santa
~The Killers~
Found this song on the radio... and its funny and sad that I can relate to it in so many different ways.
Sunday, December 23, 2007
wha....
you really are relentless... i really don't know what to do with this last twist you gave me...
but its a weak spot i'll need to work on sooner or later... later would have been nice but time is a pretty big concern now ain't it...
but its a weak spot i'll need to work on sooner or later... later would have been nice but time is a pretty big concern now ain't it...
Saturday, December 22, 2007
Yearning
I don't know what to say. It's difficult to express.
I wish I could.
I wish for a lot of things.
But more than anything... I wish the people most important to me could let go of the pain that they hold on to so vehemently.
Maybe I my life was too sheltered...
It seems this trial... 2007... has yet to end. I can only pray it ends in one piece. There's a lot at stake here... and to be frank, I am quite afraid. But I have no choice but to grit my teeth and just bear through it.
I wish I could.
I wish for a lot of things.
But more than anything... I wish the people most important to me could let go of the pain that they hold on to so vehemently.
Maybe I my life was too sheltered...
It seems this trial... 2007... has yet to end. I can only pray it ends in one piece. There's a lot at stake here... and to be frank, I am quite afraid. But I have no choice but to grit my teeth and just bear through it.
Monday, December 17, 2007
Grad school and last night
**Edit: omg... i need to stop writing the moment I wake up... grammatical errors galore**
Perhaps I had a little too much coffee last night because it took me a long time to fall asleep. Most of the time I was thinking about how to build the new odaiko stand.
This post is going to seem a little eclectic, but most dream states tend to be that way anyways... it all started with the end of my last final.
I had gotten out of a 2.5 hour long final of which my mentor had randomly proctored. I hailed him as I had been avoiding the lab for quite a number of weeks. We ended up stepping outside to talk for a whopping 20 minutes. We talked about a number of things, including my future and how after I get back from Japan I was going to unleash myself upon the industry. He asked why I didn't want to go straight into grad school... and while I've thought about it for a long while, I just don't think I'm really grad school material. Throughout our conversation, my professor certainly laid on the hard sale. He was quite convincing in his arguments as most of my career plans involve some sort of in depth knowledge on the workings of the world... which require a phd.
I have two main issues in terms of grad school. First and foremost is the field. I have no freaking idea what field I want to be in. All I know is it will involve some sort of science and engineering. But thats SO BROAD. I've touched a lot of subjects during my stay at UCSD: Oceanography, Theoretical Physics, Material Science and Semiconductor Fabrication... I haven't really had any issues with any of them and I had a lot of fun getting my hands and mind dirty doing all that work, but its fairly obvious that the three put together don't really amount to a single coherent study.
The other reason is that my grades just aren't good enough. I'm a B+ student through and through... which essentially makes me a C+ student in the book of graduate studies... I'm not exactly one to strive for excellence. If there are better more beneficial options (for whatever reasons... ie. fun, work, career... all that whatnot) than being a bookworm, I'll take it. And what's worse, I don't really relate to my peers all that well, most of my closest relations have been through the arts. I don't know why, it just kind of works out that way for me. How that's going to play out in my professional life... we'll find out. Although I am decent at keeping professional and personal life separate so it shouldn't be that bag of a deal. Finally, I'm just not ready for graduate school. After 18 straight years of school, I'm tired of applications, and applying myself to my studies, and I have yet to take the GRE... so all in all... it just ain't happening this year.
Now to the dream. With all this background i kind of lost a lot of the dream. It starts off somewhere along the lines of getting work done at the lab when I somehow happen across a terminal and Dr. Driscoll is chatting with me on it. He tells me to login to some physics server so we could speak better... but I can't do it so he somehow ends up in the lab, right next to me and we talk face to face, I don't think much of it... but hey, its a dream; shit like this happens. One needs to keep in mind, I've never worked with this guy. Professor Driscoll is a colleague of my physics mentor Dan Arovas. I've talked to Driscoll on one occasion because I've heard about him from my own physics peers, and amazingly enough he remembers who I am from one encounter on library walk when I was tabling for Taiko... Arovas works in Theoretical physics, Driscol in Experimental physics. So we get to talking... what about? grad school... Great... we go through all the arguments. And basically he convinces me... yet once again.. that I should just make the plunge. AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHH! WTF, I can't even get away from this in my dreams. Then I slowly come back to reality as one of the parents drops off their kid at my place.
Maybe heavens are telling me to talk to Driscoll, or atleast dropping one helluva strong hint that I should apply for grad school. He's going to find it pretty rich when I tell him that he convinced me to seriously reconsider grad school in a dream. One thing that my dream state made me realize though... is that if there's anyone that would be able to help me consolidate this discrepancy in my fields of choice, it'd probably be him. Its obvious that I'm multi-disciplinary in nature... just how much so and how that can be implemented into a coherent graduate studies regimen is... well I really have no idea... time to get help I guess.
**and now that I'm done editing, time to go back to sleep... good night ladies and gents**
Perhaps I had a little too much coffee last night because it took me a long time to fall asleep. Most of the time I was thinking about how to build the new odaiko stand.
This post is going to seem a little eclectic, but most dream states tend to be that way anyways... it all started with the end of my last final.
I had gotten out of a 2.5 hour long final of which my mentor had randomly proctored. I hailed him as I had been avoiding the lab for quite a number of weeks. We ended up stepping outside to talk for a whopping 20 minutes. We talked about a number of things, including my future and how after I get back from Japan I was going to unleash myself upon the industry. He asked why I didn't want to go straight into grad school... and while I've thought about it for a long while, I just don't think I'm really grad school material. Throughout our conversation, my professor certainly laid on the hard sale. He was quite convincing in his arguments as most of my career plans involve some sort of in depth knowledge on the workings of the world... which require a phd.
I have two main issues in terms of grad school. First and foremost is the field. I have no freaking idea what field I want to be in. All I know is it will involve some sort of science and engineering. But thats SO BROAD. I've touched a lot of subjects during my stay at UCSD: Oceanography, Theoretical Physics, Material Science and Semiconductor Fabrication... I haven't really had any issues with any of them and I had a lot of fun getting my hands and mind dirty doing all that work, but its fairly obvious that the three put together don't really amount to a single coherent study.
The other reason is that my grades just aren't good enough. I'm a B+ student through and through... which essentially makes me a C+ student in the book of graduate studies... I'm not exactly one to strive for excellence. If there are better more beneficial options (for whatever reasons... ie. fun, work, career... all that whatnot) than being a bookworm, I'll take it. And what's worse, I don't really relate to my peers all that well, most of my closest relations have been through the arts. I don't know why, it just kind of works out that way for me. How that's going to play out in my professional life... we'll find out. Although I am decent at keeping professional and personal life separate so it shouldn't be that bag of a deal. Finally, I'm just not ready for graduate school. After 18 straight years of school, I'm tired of applications, and applying myself to my studies, and I have yet to take the GRE... so all in all... it just ain't happening this year.
Now to the dream. With all this background i kind of lost a lot of the dream. It starts off somewhere along the lines of getting work done at the lab when I somehow happen across a terminal and Dr. Driscoll is chatting with me on it. He tells me to login to some physics server so we could speak better... but I can't do it so he somehow ends up in the lab, right next to me and we talk face to face, I don't think much of it... but hey, its a dream; shit like this happens. One needs to keep in mind, I've never worked with this guy. Professor Driscoll is a colleague of my physics mentor Dan Arovas. I've talked to Driscoll on one occasion because I've heard about him from my own physics peers, and amazingly enough he remembers who I am from one encounter on library walk when I was tabling for Taiko... Arovas works in Theoretical physics, Driscol in Experimental physics. So we get to talking... what about? grad school... Great... we go through all the arguments. And basically he convinces me... yet once again.. that I should just make the plunge. AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHH! WTF, I can't even get away from this in my dreams. Then I slowly come back to reality as one of the parents drops off their kid at my place.
Maybe heavens are telling me to talk to Driscoll, or atleast dropping one helluva strong hint that I should apply for grad school. He's going to find it pretty rich when I tell him that he convinced me to seriously reconsider grad school in a dream. One thing that my dream state made me realize though... is that if there's anyone that would be able to help me consolidate this discrepancy in my fields of choice, it'd probably be him. Its obvious that I'm multi-disciplinary in nature... just how much so and how that can be implemented into a coherent graduate studies regimen is... well I really have no idea... time to get help I guess.
**and now that I'm done editing, time to go back to sleep... good night ladies and gents**
Thursday, December 13, 2007
Benevolent Racism
1:20 hours, 3 pages
Ha ha bitches... aight time for a small coffee break, take a dump, then Santos, You're mine!
MUAHAHAHAAHA
edit: Aww fuck the coffee break, Santos, I challenge you to a duel!
Ha ha bitches... aight time for a small coffee break, take a dump, then Santos, You're mine!
MUAHAHAHAAHA
edit: Aww fuck the coffee break, Santos, I challenge you to a duel!
Wednesday, December 5, 2007
Qin
Met a qin player today from the San Gabriel Area. His name is Pui Yuen Lui. Awesome player of the Mei An style for over 50 years. Learned qin from Hong Kong.
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