Food

Sigh... here we go again... one more round of loss this year just for good measure...

let's eat dinner, maybe my luck will improve after some food.

Bliss

There are times when I feel like I'm drowning in your beauty.

Now is one of those times.

How can one's existence be so fortunate and blessed yet so cursed at the same time? It doesn't make much sense, but I can't do much but accept it eventually. So why not now?

I am just dust in the earthly air

Just take one deep breath
and all troubles shall disappear.

Peace

I'm already regretting this one... but its for the better.

I think 2008 will be a better year... at least the last few days of 07 are starting to come together.

Blast from the Past

Volatility seems to be the highlight of my life at the moment. Perhaps it has always been there at the core of my time here.

This is going to be interesting. It seems I owe someone a lot of something. I'm sorry I've been such a horrible friend. I'm sorry I'm so twisted. I'm confused myself. One day it might all unravel itself... or perhaps I'll just drop everything. I am no ascetic though, so the former will have to prevail. Hopefully sooner than later.

You reap what you sow

learning lessons the hard way...

Pain

heh... its certainly been awhile since I've felt this kind of loneliness...

Don't Shoot Me Santa

Oh Santa
I’ve been waiting on you
That’s funny kid
Because I’ve been coming for you
Oh Santa
I’ve been killing just for fun
Well the party’s over kid
Because I
Because I got a bullet in my gun
A bullet in your what?

Santa’s got a bullet in his gun
You know it, Santa’s got a bullet in his gun

Don’t shoot me Santa Claus
I’ve been a clean living boy
I promise you
Did every little thing you asked me to
I can’t believe the things I’m going through

Don’t shoot me Santa Claus
Well no one else around believes me
But the children on the block they tease me
I couldn’t let them off that easy

Oh Santa
It’s been a real hard year
There just ain’t no gettin’ around this
Life is hard
But look at me
I turned out alright
Hey Santa
Why don’t we talk about it?
Work it out
Believe me

This ain’t what I wanted
I love all you kids, you know that
Hell, I remember when you were just 10 years old
Playing out there in the desert
Just waiting for a sip of that sweet Mojave rain
In the sweet Mojave rain
The boy was on his own

Don’t shoot me Santa Claus
I’ve been a clean living boy
I promise you
Did every little thing you asked me to
I can’t believe the things I’m going through

Hey Santa Claus
Well no one else around believes me
But the children on the block they tease me
I couldn’t let them off that easy

They had it coming
So why can’t you see?
I couldn’t turn my cheek no longer
The sun is going down and Christmas is near
Just look the other way and I’ll disappear forever

Woo!

Don’t shoot me Santa Claus
Well no one else around believes me
But the children on the street they tease me
I couldn’t let them off that easy

Believe me
Santa
Santa

~The Killers~

Found this song on the radio... and its funny and sad that I can relate to it in so many different ways.

wha....

you really are relentless... i really don't know what to do with this last twist you gave me...

but its a weak spot i'll need to work on sooner or later... later would have been nice but time is a pretty big concern now ain't it...

I suppose I can appreciate the fact that I'm still alive today... but thanks for kicking me while I'm down... I can appreciate that... really... i can.

Yearning

I don't know what to say. It's difficult to express.

I wish I could.

I wish for a lot of things.

But more than anything... I wish the people most important to me could let go of the pain that they hold on to so vehemently.

Maybe I my life was too sheltered...

It seems this trial... 2007... has yet to end. I can only pray it ends in one piece. There's a lot at stake here... and to be frank, I am quite afraid. But I have no choice but to grit my teeth and just bear through it.

ya know... I've never asked for much. I've taken just about everything you've given me... but this time around, I don't think I can handle it. I could certainly use a little help here... so could you please lend me a hand?

Grad school and last night

**Edit: omg... i need to stop writing the moment I wake up... grammatical errors galore**

Perhaps I had a little too much coffee last night because it took me a long time to fall asleep. Most of the time I was thinking about how to build the new odaiko stand.

This post is going to seem a little eclectic, but most dream states tend to be that way anyways... it all started with the end of my last final.

I had gotten out of a 2.5 hour long final of which my mentor had randomly proctored. I hailed him as I had been avoiding the lab for quite a number of weeks. We ended up stepping outside to talk for a whopping 20 minutes. We talked about a number of things, including my future and how after I get back from Japan I was going to unleash myself upon the industry. He asked why I didn't want to go straight into grad school... and while I've thought about it for a long while, I just don't think I'm really grad school material. Throughout our conversation, my professor certainly laid on the hard sale. He was quite convincing in his arguments as most of my career plans involve some sort of in depth knowledge on the workings of the world... which require a phd.

I have two main issues in terms of grad school. First and foremost is the field. I have no freaking idea what field I want to be in. All I know is it will involve some sort of science and engineering. But thats SO BROAD. I've touched a lot of subjects during my stay at UCSD: Oceanography, Theoretical Physics, Material Science and Semiconductor Fabrication... I haven't really had any issues with any of them and I had a lot of fun getting my hands and mind dirty doing all that work, but its fairly obvious that the three put together don't really amount to a single coherent study.

The other reason is that my grades just aren't good enough. I'm a B+ student through and through... which essentially makes me a C+ student in the book of graduate studies... I'm not exactly one to strive for excellence. If there are better more beneficial options (for whatever reasons... ie. fun, work, career... all that whatnot) than being a bookworm, I'll take it. And what's worse, I don't really relate to my peers all that well, most of my closest relations have been through the arts. I don't know why, it just kind of works out that way for me. How that's going to play out in my professional life... we'll find out. Although I am decent at keeping professional and personal life separate so it shouldn't be that bag of a deal. Finally, I'm just not ready for graduate school. After 18 straight years of school, I'm tired of applications, and applying myself to my studies, and I have yet to take the GRE... so all in all... it just ain't happening this year.

Now to the dream. With all this background i kind of lost a lot of the dream. It starts off somewhere along the lines of getting work done at the lab when I somehow happen across a terminal and Dr. Driscoll is chatting with me on it. He tells me to login to some physics server so we could speak better... but I can't do it so he somehow ends up in the lab, right next to me and we talk face to face, I don't think much of it... but hey, its a dream; shit like this happens. One needs to keep in mind, I've never worked with this guy. Professor Driscoll is a colleague of my physics mentor Dan Arovas. I've talked to Driscoll on one occasion because I've heard about him from my own physics peers, and amazingly enough he remembers who I am from one encounter on library walk when I was tabling for Taiko... Arovas works in Theoretical physics, Driscol in Experimental physics. So we get to talking... what about? grad school... Great... we go through all the arguments. And basically he convinces me... yet once again.. that I should just make the plunge. AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHH! WTF, I can't even get away from this in my dreams. Then I slowly come back to reality as one of the parents drops off their kid at my place.

Maybe heavens are telling me to talk to Driscoll, or atleast dropping one helluva strong hint that I should apply for grad school. He's going to find it pretty rich when I tell him that he convinced me to seriously reconsider grad school in a dream. One thing that my dream state made me realize though... is that if there's anyone that would be able to help me consolidate this discrepancy in my fields of choice, it'd probably be him. Its obvious that I'm multi-disciplinary in nature... just how much so and how that can be implemented into a coherent graduate studies regimen is... well I really have no idea... time to get help I guess.

**and now that I'm done editing, time to go back to sleep... good night ladies and gents**

Exile and Memory

Win!

Aight... one more final to go... time to make a phone call...

Benevolent Racism

1:20 hours, 3 pages

Ha ha bitches... aight time for a small coffee break, take a dump, then Santos, You're mine!

MUAHAHAHAAHA


edit: Aww fuck the coffee break, Santos, I challenge you to a duel!

Qin

Met a qin player today from the San Gabriel Area. His name is Pui Yuen Lui. Awesome player of the Mei An style for over 50 years. Learned qin from Hong Kong.

Melancholy

This time of year is always interesting for me... being reborn again and again. Somehow though, as time passes it becomes harder and harder to find my root. Perhaps its because each year I either stray farther and farther away, or I stay so close that I don't even realize it for what it is anymore.

Swainson

Coming down to Scripps on the shuttle, we almost ran over what I think was a young Swainson's Hawk. It was struggling to get off the ground with a fresh squirrel when our van came barreling down on it. It made the wise choice to drop its lunch for a faster get away.

The driver was like "crazy bird" and the girl in the passenger seat was like "aww its nature in action", and I was like "its probably endangered" thinking it was a young (and really freaking small) golden eagle...

The girl looked at me as if I were a freak. Whatever... The bird was probably 2.5~4ft wing span... I love Swainson's hawks... they are so freaking cool looking.

23

Sigh... haven't had too much time to think... the whole getting older contemplations will have to wait until Wednesday...

L. B.

You entered my dreams again last night.
Its been awhile since the last time.
Funny enough, I was dreaming about something else
but I pulled us back to my apartment
back to my time.
You were surprised.

I had been in the warehouse
of my childhood with people
of my most recent growth.
When you came I knew something
had changed.
You had died.

We talked. We caught up.
Sitting in the living room
whispering to keep from waking
him up. In the water, of your house
for some ridiculous reason
your whole family had passed.

Mitch woke up,
and he could see you too.
You lied and said your "physical
manifestation had been completed".
You were always different.
Others may not have noticed it,
but you were always special.

~

A new year

It's funny how I count my years in the number of Novembers that have passed... here's the 17th... and this year seems to be special. It looks like my first task will be to face a demon that I have never really had the reason or courage to face. Next time... a list of thank yous for thanksgiving... maybe. It will definitely show how I objectify different parts of my relationships with people into lessons... a lot of them were not necessarily meant to be that way, and I'm not sure if I should share that kind of information yet.

Screen Resolution

Just found out that I skimped on a higher resolution screen for my new thinkpad... sigh... the day isn't getting any better...

Wednesday

It's just one of those days where everything has to go wrong at the same time. You can go ahead and skip this post, I'm just going to bitch for a bit. It all started with water seeping into the holes of my shoes. Figured it was going to be a miserable day, but I didn't expect to get bombarded by things I have to fix. The moment I walk into work I find that my experiment isn't calibrating like it should. Easy enough fix, I thought. 30 minutes later and its up and running as it should. Within the 1.5 hours I hadn't looked at my email, I get one from France with the "URGENT PROBLEM" of getting null data out of two of our drifters. 3 phone calls later after fixing some faulty code and reviewing current and past data, it seems likely that the way we sealed the drifters might have disconnected some things. This would suck immensely. We'll see what happened with the other 5 drifters. Sometime during this fiasco I feel the very distinct sensation of an infection landing in my sinus cavity. Looks like the buggers are ready to fight for a piece of my sanity. Meanwhile, I get an email from the group that owns the calibration system that we're borrowing for our experiment saying that they're returning on Monday and need the system to test their devices. Wonderful. They could have let us know just a little sooner. It didn't help that the machine was broken for two weeks. Tack on the fact that I still need to settle billing with the company that fixed it. Sigh... I think that gray hair is going to pop up a little earlier than my genetic predisposition might suggest it should. Lastly I find the laptop that was supposed to get delivered to me today actually got delivered to my boss, who just so happens to be in South Korea, so I had to make an angry phone call to lenovo and get them to rectify their mistake, AGAIN. This all happened in a matter of 3 hours... how shitty is that? I'm not really looking forward to what the rest of today is going to entail, if its going to continue being bad news. There are a few other minor issues, but its no big deal...

heh... and I just left this post up in the Asayake journal for a good 10 minutes before I realized... wonderful...

I fighting the learning curve

Agh... Linux is so fickle... My mastery of the command line needs a lot more work. I'm so useless without a gui. I've been trying to configure Mandriva on my new thinkpad. It's proving to be pretty difficult, almost like learning how to walk again, except in a different environment. At this age it might be beneficial though as M$ is slowly tightening its grip on its users, if I can get passed this learning curve, I will be free from M$'s hands. I can't wait.

Leaks

Ha ha... I haven't had to deal with roof leaks for a long time... let's hope the heavy rains won't come for awhile...

Change

I guess I'll start off the post with... whoo hoo!! I got tickets to see bunraku... now I need to find someone to go with...

Something I realized last night is that this year, a lot of us are on the brink of a transitionary period in our lives. Many are graduating... and I don't just mean from university. A lot of my friends are also graduating from accupuncture school... or are about to have some other major change in their lives. Maybe that's why I feel this drive for improvement. I want to see everyone get through this trial, and emerge on top of things. More importantly though, I want to get through and not forget everyone that I may or may not see anymore. I made this mistake in high school where I got so wrapped up in my own life after graduating that I lost contact with a lot of my friends. I would rather that not happen to such an extent this time around, even if it is an inevitable outcome of change.

Post in Review

Wow... I must have been really sleepy and disoriented to write the previous post. I'll need to clean it up so its actually readable as opposed to the incoherent rant that it is right now. In case the reader is wondering, no I was not drunk when I wrote it, and no I had not been under the influence for atleast a few days when I wrote it. I still think having goals and a roadmap is a very good idea. How well we adhere to it is how well our group can come together to get things done without getting sidetracked. If my last writing is any indication of how I will perform under times of duress, then I'm in big trouble.

::CONCERNED::

A Path in the Dark

I'm sorry... this post is just too poorly written for reading. I'll mull over it some more and rewrite it... hopefully in a coherent manner. I need to change the title too.

Fatigue

Today has been one of the longer days I've had in awhile. Woke up to walk to an 8am class. Paperwork after that. That damn refrigerator never got fixed. Class and an alteration to an already tight schedule... then one colossal meeting... and here we are.. 18 hours later.

I'm stuck in overdrive right now. Can't sleep... but can't think straight. I don't really like this mode... because I know I should be getting rest, but my mind is tired and restless. Oh well... hopefully Yukai's event on Saturday will be worthwhile. I really like hanging out with them.

Alright, time to try another hand at sleeping.

Goals for Fall 2007

As usual, I probably bit of a lot more than I can chew. I'll do my best to accomplish these tasks and finish the year strong.

1. Niiler Lab (SIO)
-Finish the South China Sea Calibrations so that Luca can begin his analysis.
-Design a testing regiment for the thinner cable and reduced drag effects on buoys.
-Begin design of packaged t-chains and moored time-release drifters.

2. Wang Lab (ECE)
-Continue growth experiments and cataloging data so that we can find a proper direction for a possible paper or patent
-Begin work on electrode design.
-Begin work on electrical and optical properties of ZnO NR Arrays.

3. Arovas (Physics)
-Identify problems with the paper under review and work with Dan to resolve any kinks in the traffic model arguments so that we can get that paper published.

4. School
-Understand the subject materials to the best of my ability and review all the crap that you didn't learn these past four years.
-This involves auditing Physics 110A and ECE 288.

5. Taiko
-Ensure that Asayake will have a strong infrastructure to rely on next year. There will be a lot of people leaving this year and it wouldn't be good to leave next years seniors and juniors on shaky ground.
-Write hurry up and write shichi before the year is over.
-Do well in Bachi sales
-Keep in contact with all my taiko colleagues
-Process those photos and send them out to their relative parties.

6. Family
-Help my father take care of the back rooms
-Process the France photos and get them printed, album'd and sent by Christmas damnit... it's been nearly a year and you have little to no excuse no matter how many life/death/home related situations and inconveniences have fallen on you this year.
-Visit your parents and grandmother more often
-Provide any necessary support for your cousins, related by blood or not.

7. Friends
-Provide any necessary support for those that may or may not need it. You know who you are... if you don't... well you don't need to know, I'll be there to the best of my capacity regardless. Just give me a call.
-Help Larry beta test his game.

8. Wing Chun
-Finish learning the system.
-Sifu is finishing up his year here in San Diego with an uncertain future looming ahead. This falls under the Friends goal, but you should try to attend as many classes as you can. There aren't many students left, so we should finish our training together strong and ready to take on the world.

9. Qin
-I have no idea how I'm going to fit this into my schedule... but it will have to... somehow.

10. Japan
-I don't know how this topic didn't make it into the top five considering I was thinking about it in the bathroom 10 minutes ago... but it should be much higher on this list because the deadlines are fast approaching
-Get through the application process.
-Apply for those scholarships.
-Talk to Tohoku and any students to get an idea of how next Spring is going to work.

11. Me
-Continue my meditation sessions with Michelle. Hopefully TK will join us this quarter. This will hopefully deepend my understanding of the world, myself, and the larger, all encompassing picture that our existence is painting.
-Continue my Japanese without losing sight of my Cantonese. Being multi-lingual is very important to me despite the fact that I have zero talent in it.
-Continue to get to know more people. They provide a network that I can rely on for myself, and any that I might be associated with. This will also help me remember names more readily and who people are more readily. This will be useful in the very near future.
-Organize my finances and find prospective employers.
-Lastly... and most importantly. Keep a bright outlook for the future. There's a lot to do, and a lot to think about. Problems will always rear their ugly heads, but getting bent out of shape about it isn't going to benefit anything or anyone. Don't burn out. The chance of this happening is very high, so hopefully body and mind will remain balanced and healthy.

12. A Girlfriend
-heh... With the other 11 goals, this one falls even below qin. If this love thing somehow miraculously happens, I'm betting she's going to be a keeper because she's going to have to be extremely patient and understanding... Here's to hoping tremendous luck will fall upon me while wrapping up this year. The time I have for a relationship will be incredibly tight up until I leave for Japan.

::雄::

Phase

I suppose its good timing that I'm finally coming out of my introverted phase... which is why I've been somewhat absent from my blog these past few weeks. Its been hectic to say the least... between feeling frustrated with my work, frustrated with taiko, frustrated with moving, and most of all, frustrated with myself because I can't get my ass to be productive. Its a shitty way to be, really... because you can only keep getting more and more frustrated until something clicks and you're out of the cycle... or you realize how fucking stupid you are for chasing your own tail and hopefully force yourself out of the circle, or you slit your wrists and see how resilient you are against death.

But that's not all that important. Its a common facet of life... atleast of my life, and I've learned, and am continuing to learn to deal with it. I keep thinking that I've changed to the point beyond recognition. Like... if I were my high school self and I met my current self... what would I see? I know for certain that there are key characteristics in my personality that haven't changed since I was a kid. I know that for a fact because it shapes the way I approach my work... and it is by far the most commented aspect of my life... the bulk of which has been authored by my own father. But still, how have I changed? I've always been pretty true to myself with the one exception of my love life. I've got a few issues in that department that need a mechanic to hammer out cuz while I'm certainly very rational... when push comes to shove, something gives and then I'm a babbling dumbass. Actually, this happens with anything confrontational. I had a few wires crossed up during my upbringing. I'm hard-coded to avoid conflict.

With that aside, how does one's core personality change with time? As we traverse the world about our daily routines, we pick up dirt of armor that we wear over our souls... do our souls absorb the crap we put on it? If it doesn't, is it safe to walk around freely, flaunting our naked souls? Certain situations definitely require us to adhere to a certain etiquette... but there are other times where one should be able to strip it all off and let it hang... otherwise one might forget what one really looks like under all the dirt and iron.

oh and look, I hit a mental block... I guess I haven't changed that much after all. Whenever I ramble about stuff that I don't really want to talk about I'll shut off the stream, and I won't be able to think up of anything else to say. Not like I really had anything coherent to begin with... so good night. Long fucking day tomorrow.

Harry Potter | Darker than Black

Finished the end of Harry Potter a few nights ago. Definitely left me dazed for a number of days. Good endings always do that to me. Chrno Crusade and the Lord of the Rings trilogy were prime examples. Sometimes that mode of elation will last for weeks with relapses months afterwards. Interestingly enough, these stories generally speak of the world being restored after incredible loss and a very close victory against the dark tide. Fortunately there aren't too many stories that are able to do that to me else I'd find myself completely incapacitated due to the overwhelming fictional world in which I'm engaged. That, and this mode might actually lose its affect the more I'm exposed to it, and that'd be a big nono.

Moving on to the next story is a rather random encounter with a story called Darker than Black. I had my misgivings early on when I watched the first episode, but is has somehow developed into something quite wonderful leaving me with the usual want/need for more. I won't divulge too many details, but I can describe the experience. As indicated by the title, the anime exudes grittiness and conspiracy/counter-conspiracy. Our protagonist is quite exemplary among his kind in more ways than one... he more or less breaks the mold so to speak. Each minor character has his/her own defining qualities which in some ways make them simple, but the underlying story and their actions give them a sort of depth that most anime tend to overlook. While plot driven, this anime can just as easily embark on the path of character studies, but like harry potter, forgoes this complicated method to tell what most people like to hear, a damn good story. I look forward to the end.

::BUN::

Moving

Things are finally starting to settle down again. I have relocated most of my belongings... however this time I'm planning on dumping a lot of the stuff I once kept. Hopefully I can make some of the money back.

The new place is actually pretty nice. I finally have a proper desk again and while it's a little small, the size might actually be for the better. Large desks tend to get really cluttered since i'm such a lazy individual. Hopefully I can convince my room to maintain the form that it has and remain somewhat clutter free.

More thought provoking posts may come in the future... but we shall refrain for tonight.

2007

This year really has been quite the trial so far. This has got to be one of the most eventful years I've seen in a long time... and unfortunately, most of it has been bad news. Adversity affects each person differently. Even with one person, it affects them differently based on how much they've grown, and that in itself serves as an impetus for growth.

In these short 8 months that have passed, I've had much to complain about. A lot has happened, where anyone could easily ask... why me? But I know I'm not the only one that's suffering this year. Others are bearing the same weight, the same pain... yet we are still here, trudging along. The strength of the spirit is an amazing thing, able to cope with even the most arduous stressors. I can only hope that it's strength will continue to surpass any other misfortunes that will be thrown our way, because its likely the worse has yet to come, as it always is yet to come.

It hasn't all been bad though. Good things have happened, but none of it has been all that phenomenal, which makes them seem less noticeable and memorable. One thing that I've realized today, is that I think I've learned much more this year than in previous years. Something that the ancient Chinese always harped on and hoped that their sons and daughters would grow up to be were respectable humans. This kind of growth is hard to gauge, especially in recent times as any type of standard for being human has somewhat been erased by materialism and other types of consumerisms... There was a saying that I ran across while growing up that I've used over and over again to sort of justify all the hardships that I've endured. While my upbringing may not be much when compared to those in other parts of the world, it still seems to be quite substantial to my peers. And while I am most definitely far from perfect in terms of being able to cope and march forward without complaint, I have survived these 22 years by convincing myself that 'hardship builds personality'. It has worked so far because as difficult as this year has been I feel I've learned much more and matured much more than I usually have in past years.

Unfortunately, that still doesn't leave me a clear path in life, but few things would ever make life so easy. Here's to hoping the choices I make will bear more fruit in enriching my life and those around me.

Cheap and Lazy

I've been soul searching these past few nights... looking for viable career paths. I'll refrain from giving away any details for fear of unveiling my rather naive and childish thought processes to the world... needless to say, I think I'll be sticking with engineering for awhile. I'll probably be a pretty shitty one, but for now, it'll be better than becoming a monk. That can wait until I'm older.

I guess this doesn't really have anything to do with the title. Basically, I need to get off my ass and start doing some real problem solving and design... and applying the knowledge that these past 4 years have bestowed on me... before i get rusty, thereby making me unmarketable as an engineer.

Window

By this time tomorrow. Hopefully my room will once again have a window. I've never seen out of my window... ever. When we bought the house my room was at the center, enclosed by 8 other rooms. The room had a window... but on the other side was just another wall... that and it is painted over anyways. Tomorrow however, I'll remove the insulation hiding my room from the outside world, and there will finally be a window I can open.

It'll just be awhile before I can see out of it. Perhaps I should get some blinds?

I don't yet know what to think about this set up. It's just kind of exciting because I've lived 9 years out of this room without a window, where the only sources of natural light were my skylight, and my door...

You think you own wha’lever land you land on~
The Earth is just a de’thing you can claim~
But I know every rock and tree and creatures~
Has a life, has a spirit, has a name~

[insert guitar]

You think you own wha’lever land you land on~
The Earth is just a de’thing you can claim~
But I know every rock and tree and creature~
Has a life, has a spirit, has a name~

[insert bass]

You think the only people who are people~
Are the people who look like think like you~

But if you walk the footstep of a stranger~
But if you walk the footstep of a stranger~
But if you walk the footstep of a stranger~
You ‘earn things, never knew, never knew~

Have you ever heard the wolf cry to the blue corn moon
Or ask the grinning bobcat why he grinn’ed?
Can you sing with all the voices of the mountaigne?
Can you paint with all the colors of the wind?
yeah~

[guitar solo]

Come run the hidden pine trails of the forest~
Come taste the sunshweet berries of the Earth~
Come roll in all the riches all around you~
And for once, never wunder what they're worth~

The rainstorm and the river are my brothers~
The heron and the otter are my friends~
And we’re all we are all connected to each other~
In a circle, in a hoop up never ends

never ends~~

How high the sycamore grow?

How high the sycamore grow?

How high the sycamore grow?
If’y’cut it down, then you will never know~

And you'll never hear the wolf cry to the blue corn moon
For whether we are white or copper skinn’ed~
We need sing with all the voices of the mountain~
We 'no paint with all the colors of the wind~

Have you ever heard the wolf cry to the blue corn moon~

Or asked the grinning bobcat why he grinn’ed~
Can you sing with all the voices of the mountain~
Can you paint with all the color of the wind~

You can own the Earth and still
All you'll own in Earth unstil
You can paint with all the colors of the wind

You can own the Earth and still
All you'll own is Earth until
You can paint with all the colors of the wind

           :ACIDMAN:
::MOSH PIT DISNEY::

Online Journaling Again

It's been quite a number of years since I stopped posting to a journal that people actually read. My old pitas account is still active, but its unlikely anyone visits the site. Even if people did visit it, its not likely they'd know who it belongs to because I was usually incredibly vague about the things I talked about, which were usually pretty damn emo.

But I've grown, and so have my problems... so I figured, "hey, might as well see what the world thinks of these crazy ideas that go through my head." Yeah, it has taken awhile to get this up and running, and yeah, a lot of good thoughts have been lost in the process... but the important issues recur all the time, so its not likely that they'll be missed in all this writing that'll hopefully be happening.

One thing that has happened in the past, and I hope it won't happen anymore, is that when I sit down to actually write the thoughts down they run like jack rabbits. I guess only time can tell how transparent my thought processes shall be in this little experiment and exhibition to the outside world.

So here it is, the thing a lot of people may have been waiting for... at least in regards to the more enigmatic side of me... Chris exposed... ::ZOMG::