Phase

I suppose its good timing that I'm finally coming out of my introverted phase... which is why I've been somewhat absent from my blog these past few weeks. Its been hectic to say the least... between feeling frustrated with my work, frustrated with taiko, frustrated with moving, and most of all, frustrated with myself because I can't get my ass to be productive. Its a shitty way to be, really... because you can only keep getting more and more frustrated until something clicks and you're out of the cycle... or you realize how fucking stupid you are for chasing your own tail and hopefully force yourself out of the circle, or you slit your wrists and see how resilient you are against death.

But that's not all that important. Its a common facet of life... atleast of my life, and I've learned, and am continuing to learn to deal with it. I keep thinking that I've changed to the point beyond recognition. Like... if I were my high school self and I met my current self... what would I see? I know for certain that there are key characteristics in my personality that haven't changed since I was a kid. I know that for a fact because it shapes the way I approach my work... and it is by far the most commented aspect of my life... the bulk of which has been authored by my own father. But still, how have I changed? I've always been pretty true to myself with the one exception of my love life. I've got a few issues in that department that need a mechanic to hammer out cuz while I'm certainly very rational... when push comes to shove, something gives and then I'm a babbling dumbass. Actually, this happens with anything confrontational. I had a few wires crossed up during my upbringing. I'm hard-coded to avoid conflict.

With that aside, how does one's core personality change with time? As we traverse the world about our daily routines, we pick up dirt of armor that we wear over our souls... do our souls absorb the crap we put on it? If it doesn't, is it safe to walk around freely, flaunting our naked souls? Certain situations definitely require us to adhere to a certain etiquette... but there are other times where one should be able to strip it all off and let it hang... otherwise one might forget what one really looks like under all the dirt and iron.

oh and look, I hit a mental block... I guess I haven't changed that much after all. Whenever I ramble about stuff that I don't really want to talk about I'll shut off the stream, and I won't be able to think up of anything else to say. Not like I really had anything coherent to begin with... so good night. Long fucking day tomorrow.