Goals for Fall 2007

As usual, I probably bit of a lot more than I can chew. I'll do my best to accomplish these tasks and finish the year strong.

1. Niiler Lab (SIO)
-Finish the South China Sea Calibrations so that Luca can begin his analysis.
-Design a testing regiment for the thinner cable and reduced drag effects on buoys.
-Begin design of packaged t-chains and moored time-release drifters.

2. Wang Lab (ECE)
-Continue growth experiments and cataloging data so that we can find a proper direction for a possible paper or patent
-Begin work on electrode design.
-Begin work on electrical and optical properties of ZnO NR Arrays.

3. Arovas (Physics)
-Identify problems with the paper under review and work with Dan to resolve any kinks in the traffic model arguments so that we can get that paper published.

4. School
-Understand the subject materials to the best of my ability and review all the crap that you didn't learn these past four years.
-This involves auditing Physics 110A and ECE 288.

5. Taiko
-Ensure that Asayake will have a strong infrastructure to rely on next year. There will be a lot of people leaving this year and it wouldn't be good to leave next years seniors and juniors on shaky ground.
-Write hurry up and write shichi before the year is over.
-Do well in Bachi sales
-Keep in contact with all my taiko colleagues
-Process those photos and send them out to their relative parties.

6. Family
-Help my father take care of the back rooms
-Process the France photos and get them printed, album'd and sent by Christmas damnit... it's been nearly a year and you have little to no excuse no matter how many life/death/home related situations and inconveniences have fallen on you this year.
-Visit your parents and grandmother more often
-Provide any necessary support for your cousins, related by blood or not.

7. Friends
-Provide any necessary support for those that may or may not need it. You know who you are... if you don't... well you don't need to know, I'll be there to the best of my capacity regardless. Just give me a call.
-Help Larry beta test his game.

8. Wing Chun
-Finish learning the system.
-Sifu is finishing up his year here in San Diego with an uncertain future looming ahead. This falls under the Friends goal, but you should try to attend as many classes as you can. There aren't many students left, so we should finish our training together strong and ready to take on the world.

9. Qin
-I have no idea how I'm going to fit this into my schedule... but it will have to... somehow.

10. Japan
-I don't know how this topic didn't make it into the top five considering I was thinking about it in the bathroom 10 minutes ago... but it should be much higher on this list because the deadlines are fast approaching
-Get through the application process.
-Apply for those scholarships.
-Talk to Tohoku and any students to get an idea of how next Spring is going to work.

11. Me
-Continue my meditation sessions with Michelle. Hopefully TK will join us this quarter. This will hopefully deepend my understanding of the world, myself, and the larger, all encompassing picture that our existence is painting.
-Continue my Japanese without losing sight of my Cantonese. Being multi-lingual is very important to me despite the fact that I have zero talent in it.
-Continue to get to know more people. They provide a network that I can rely on for myself, and any that I might be associated with. This will also help me remember names more readily and who people are more readily. This will be useful in the very near future.
-Organize my finances and find prospective employers.
-Lastly... and most importantly. Keep a bright outlook for the future. There's a lot to do, and a lot to think about. Problems will always rear their ugly heads, but getting bent out of shape about it isn't going to benefit anything or anyone. Don't burn out. The chance of this happening is very high, so hopefully body and mind will remain balanced and healthy.

12. A Girlfriend
-heh... With the other 11 goals, this one falls even below qin. If this love thing somehow miraculously happens, I'm betting she's going to be a keeper because she's going to have to be extremely patient and understanding... Here's to hoping tremendous luck will fall upon me while wrapping up this year. The time I have for a relationship will be incredibly tight up until I leave for Japan.

::雄::

Phase

I suppose its good timing that I'm finally coming out of my introverted phase... which is why I've been somewhat absent from my blog these past few weeks. Its been hectic to say the least... between feeling frustrated with my work, frustrated with taiko, frustrated with moving, and most of all, frustrated with myself because I can't get my ass to be productive. Its a shitty way to be, really... because you can only keep getting more and more frustrated until something clicks and you're out of the cycle... or you realize how fucking stupid you are for chasing your own tail and hopefully force yourself out of the circle, or you slit your wrists and see how resilient you are against death.

But that's not all that important. Its a common facet of life... atleast of my life, and I've learned, and am continuing to learn to deal with it. I keep thinking that I've changed to the point beyond recognition. Like... if I were my high school self and I met my current self... what would I see? I know for certain that there are key characteristics in my personality that haven't changed since I was a kid. I know that for a fact because it shapes the way I approach my work... and it is by far the most commented aspect of my life... the bulk of which has been authored by my own father. But still, how have I changed? I've always been pretty true to myself with the one exception of my love life. I've got a few issues in that department that need a mechanic to hammer out cuz while I'm certainly very rational... when push comes to shove, something gives and then I'm a babbling dumbass. Actually, this happens with anything confrontational. I had a few wires crossed up during my upbringing. I'm hard-coded to avoid conflict.

With that aside, how does one's core personality change with time? As we traverse the world about our daily routines, we pick up dirt of armor that we wear over our souls... do our souls absorb the crap we put on it? If it doesn't, is it safe to walk around freely, flaunting our naked souls? Certain situations definitely require us to adhere to a certain etiquette... but there are other times where one should be able to strip it all off and let it hang... otherwise one might forget what one really looks like under all the dirt and iron.

oh and look, I hit a mental block... I guess I haven't changed that much after all. Whenever I ramble about stuff that I don't really want to talk about I'll shut off the stream, and I won't be able to think up of anything else to say. Not like I really had anything coherent to begin with... so good night. Long fucking day tomorrow.

Harry Potter | Darker than Black

Finished the end of Harry Potter a few nights ago. Definitely left me dazed for a number of days. Good endings always do that to me. Chrno Crusade and the Lord of the Rings trilogy were prime examples. Sometimes that mode of elation will last for weeks with relapses months afterwards. Interestingly enough, these stories generally speak of the world being restored after incredible loss and a very close victory against the dark tide. Fortunately there aren't too many stories that are able to do that to me else I'd find myself completely incapacitated due to the overwhelming fictional world in which I'm engaged. That, and this mode might actually lose its affect the more I'm exposed to it, and that'd be a big nono.

Moving on to the next story is a rather random encounter with a story called Darker than Black. I had my misgivings early on when I watched the first episode, but is has somehow developed into something quite wonderful leaving me with the usual want/need for more. I won't divulge too many details, but I can describe the experience. As indicated by the title, the anime exudes grittiness and conspiracy/counter-conspiracy. Our protagonist is quite exemplary among his kind in more ways than one... he more or less breaks the mold so to speak. Each minor character has his/her own defining qualities which in some ways make them simple, but the underlying story and their actions give them a sort of depth that most anime tend to overlook. While plot driven, this anime can just as easily embark on the path of character studies, but like harry potter, forgoes this complicated method to tell what most people like to hear, a damn good story. I look forward to the end.

::BUN::

Moving

Things are finally starting to settle down again. I have relocated most of my belongings... however this time I'm planning on dumping a lot of the stuff I once kept. Hopefully I can make some of the money back.

The new place is actually pretty nice. I finally have a proper desk again and while it's a little small, the size might actually be for the better. Large desks tend to get really cluttered since i'm such a lazy individual. Hopefully I can convince my room to maintain the form that it has and remain somewhat clutter free.

More thought provoking posts may come in the future... but we shall refrain for tonight.

2007

This year really has been quite the trial so far. This has got to be one of the most eventful years I've seen in a long time... and unfortunately, most of it has been bad news. Adversity affects each person differently. Even with one person, it affects them differently based on how much they've grown, and that in itself serves as an impetus for growth.

In these short 8 months that have passed, I've had much to complain about. A lot has happened, where anyone could easily ask... why me? But I know I'm not the only one that's suffering this year. Others are bearing the same weight, the same pain... yet we are still here, trudging along. The strength of the spirit is an amazing thing, able to cope with even the most arduous stressors. I can only hope that it's strength will continue to surpass any other misfortunes that will be thrown our way, because its likely the worse has yet to come, as it always is yet to come.

It hasn't all been bad though. Good things have happened, but none of it has been all that phenomenal, which makes them seem less noticeable and memorable. One thing that I've realized today, is that I think I've learned much more this year than in previous years. Something that the ancient Chinese always harped on and hoped that their sons and daughters would grow up to be were respectable humans. This kind of growth is hard to gauge, especially in recent times as any type of standard for being human has somewhat been erased by materialism and other types of consumerisms... There was a saying that I ran across while growing up that I've used over and over again to sort of justify all the hardships that I've endured. While my upbringing may not be much when compared to those in other parts of the world, it still seems to be quite substantial to my peers. And while I am most definitely far from perfect in terms of being able to cope and march forward without complaint, I have survived these 22 years by convincing myself that 'hardship builds personality'. It has worked so far because as difficult as this year has been I feel I've learned much more and matured much more than I usually have in past years.

Unfortunately, that still doesn't leave me a clear path in life, but few things would ever make life so easy. Here's to hoping the choices I make will bear more fruit in enriching my life and those around me.

Cheap and Lazy

I've been soul searching these past few nights... looking for viable career paths. I'll refrain from giving away any details for fear of unveiling my rather naive and childish thought processes to the world... needless to say, I think I'll be sticking with engineering for awhile. I'll probably be a pretty shitty one, but for now, it'll be better than becoming a monk. That can wait until I'm older.

I guess this doesn't really have anything to do with the title. Basically, I need to get off my ass and start doing some real problem solving and design... and applying the knowledge that these past 4 years have bestowed on me... before i get rusty, thereby making me unmarketable as an engineer.

Window

By this time tomorrow. Hopefully my room will once again have a window. I've never seen out of my window... ever. When we bought the house my room was at the center, enclosed by 8 other rooms. The room had a window... but on the other side was just another wall... that and it is painted over anyways. Tomorrow however, I'll remove the insulation hiding my room from the outside world, and there will finally be a window I can open.

It'll just be awhile before I can see out of it. Perhaps I should get some blinds?

I don't yet know what to think about this set up. It's just kind of exciting because I've lived 9 years out of this room without a window, where the only sources of natural light were my skylight, and my door...

You think you own wha’lever land you land on~
The Earth is just a de’thing you can claim~
But I know every rock and tree and creatures~
Has a life, has a spirit, has a name~

[insert guitar]

You think you own wha’lever land you land on~
The Earth is just a de’thing you can claim~
But I know every rock and tree and creature~
Has a life, has a spirit, has a name~

[insert bass]

You think the only people who are people~
Are the people who look like think like you~

But if you walk the footstep of a stranger~
But if you walk the footstep of a stranger~
But if you walk the footstep of a stranger~
You ‘earn things, never knew, never knew~

Have you ever heard the wolf cry to the blue corn moon
Or ask the grinning bobcat why he grinn’ed?
Can you sing with all the voices of the mountaigne?
Can you paint with all the colors of the wind?
yeah~

[guitar solo]

Come run the hidden pine trails of the forest~
Come taste the sunshweet berries of the Earth~
Come roll in all the riches all around you~
And for once, never wunder what they're worth~

The rainstorm and the river are my brothers~
The heron and the otter are my friends~
And we’re all we are all connected to each other~
In a circle, in a hoop up never ends

never ends~~

How high the sycamore grow?

How high the sycamore grow?

How high the sycamore grow?
If’y’cut it down, then you will never know~

And you'll never hear the wolf cry to the blue corn moon
For whether we are white or copper skinn’ed~
We need sing with all the voices of the mountain~
We 'no paint with all the colors of the wind~

Have you ever heard the wolf cry to the blue corn moon~

Or asked the grinning bobcat why he grinn’ed~
Can you sing with all the voices of the mountain~
Can you paint with all the color of the wind~

You can own the Earth and still
All you'll own in Earth unstil
You can paint with all the colors of the wind

You can own the Earth and still
All you'll own is Earth until
You can paint with all the colors of the wind

           :ACIDMAN:
::MOSH PIT DISNEY::

Online Journaling Again

It's been quite a number of years since I stopped posting to a journal that people actually read. My old pitas account is still active, but its unlikely anyone visits the site. Even if people did visit it, its not likely they'd know who it belongs to because I was usually incredibly vague about the things I talked about, which were usually pretty damn emo.

But I've grown, and so have my problems... so I figured, "hey, might as well see what the world thinks of these crazy ideas that go through my head." Yeah, it has taken awhile to get this up and running, and yeah, a lot of good thoughts have been lost in the process... but the important issues recur all the time, so its not likely that they'll be missed in all this writing that'll hopefully be happening.

One thing that has happened in the past, and I hope it won't happen anymore, is that when I sit down to actually write the thoughts down they run like jack rabbits. I guess only time can tell how transparent my thought processes shall be in this little experiment and exhibition to the outside world.

So here it is, the thing a lot of people may have been waiting for... at least in regards to the more enigmatic side of me... Chris exposed... ::ZOMG::