It's a little early, but its time to start on thinking about what I want to accomplish this year. Here we go.
1. Put commuting by foot back on the table. This means 20 miles round trip. Current thoughts: 3/4 marathon a week? This should be interesting. Hard goal: 10 miles in under 1 hour... not a fan of the idea of a 1 hour commute, twice in a day... on thin soles (vibrams) or barefoot.
2. Figure out a diet that will facilitate my lifestyle... status quo = eating out about 40~80% of the time puts a huge dent in my food budget.
3. Take the GRE and apply for grad school
4. Write more... by hand. Use snail mail more.
5. Keep up the taiko and various other studies: math, physics, photonics.
6. Monitor Energy/Water Consumption and figure out ways to reduce my eco-footprint. Chart foods by the season and push my diet to line up with the seasons more.
7. Pay off my loans.
Saturday, December 19, 2009
Tuesday, October 27, 2009
Loneliness
Looking back on my life... it seems there have been a few constants. The sort of loneliness that corrodes the soul is something I'll probably have to live with for the rest of my life. I think I'm up to it.
The other is dreams of my attempts at flying. I think I'm getting better at the idea. I used to be horrible at it. But its such a great feeling... I don't think I'll ever stop trying.
And of course... the dreams of complicated buildings and infrastructure that I use to run and hide from 'that organization' that's out to get me. Ironically enough, I work for one of the largest organizations in the world now. I wonder if its a premonition. If it ever happens outside of my dreams... they should make a movie about me... with choreographed kung fu fights (I'll use my beginner's wushu and wing chun kuen), and CG special effects. Just don't give me a sidekick... I don't need comic relief... it'll unmake the cathartic end.
The other is dreams of my attempts at flying. I think I'm getting better at the idea. I used to be horrible at it. But its such a great feeling... I don't think I'll ever stop trying.
And of course... the dreams of complicated buildings and infrastructure that I use to run and hide from 'that organization' that's out to get me. Ironically enough, I work for one of the largest organizations in the world now. I wonder if its a premonition. If it ever happens outside of my dreams... they should make a movie about me... with choreographed kung fu fights (I'll use my beginner's wushu and wing chun kuen), and CG special effects. Just don't give me a sidekick... I don't need comic relief... it'll unmake the cathartic end.
Sunday, October 25, 2009
More Flying
This time, mix in a little smallville. Its fun dreaming like you're superman. Less fun when you're on the run... again. Lot of ocean... jumping from rooftop to rooftop... running on water... moving super fast... invincibility... but flying really isn't all its cracked up to be. You get horrible agility. I flew into a mountain because i was going too fast and couldn't get out of the way.
Saturday, July 4, 2009
The Power of Flight
Its been awhile, but I had the attempt to fly dream again. This time work kind of seeped into the dream where I wandered from lab to lab. I felt like a spy in some instances, granted I don't know what exactly I was spying on since I didn't actually do anything but run around, talk to people, and attempt to fly. Like always, I tried to get the speed needed to obtain flight, but gravity... well gravity's a hard opponent to beat. I caught a few good ones though. Its stressful running away from someone and having an unreliable mode of escape though.
Wednesday, July 1, 2009
To my friends aspiring to become lawyers...
Don't sell your soul. I beg of you.
Michael. Dear Michael. Of course it’s you, who else could they send, who else could be trusted? I… I know it’s a long way and you’re ready to go to work… all I’m saying is just wait, just… just please just hear me out because this is not an episode, relapse, fuck-up, it’s… I’m begging you Michael. I’m begging you. Try to make believe this is not just madness because this is not just madness. Two weeks ago I came out of the building ok, I’m running across 6th avenue there’s a car waiting, I’ve got exactly 38 minutes to get to the airport and I’m dictating. There’s this panicked associate sprinting along beside me, scribbling in a notepad, and suddenly she starts screaming, and I realize we’re standing in the middle of the street, the light’s changed, there’s this wall of traffic, serious traffic speeding towards us, and I… I freeze, I can’t move, and I’m suddenly consumed with the overwhelming sensation that I’m covered in some sort of film. It’s in my hair, my face… it’s like a glaze… like a... a coating, and… at first I thought, oh my god, I know what this is, this is some sort of amniotic - embryonic - fluid. I’m drenched in afterbirth, I’ve breached the chrysalis, I’ve been reborn. But then the traffic, the stampede, the cars, the trucks, the horns, the screaming and I’m thinking no-no-no, reset, this is not rebirth, this is some kind of giddy illusion of renewal that happens in the final moment before death. And then I realize no-no-no, this is completely wrong because I look back at the building and I had the most stunning moment of clarity. I… I… I realized Michael, that I had emerged not from the doors of Kenner, Bach & Ledeen, not through the portals of our vast and powerful law firm, but from the asshole of an organism who’s sole function is to excrete the… the… the poison, the ammo, the defoliant necessary for other, larger, more powerful organisms to destroy the miracle of humanity. And that I had been coated in this patina of shit for the best part of my life. The stench of it and the sting of it would in all likelihood take the rest of my life to undue. And you know what I did? I took a deep cleansing breath and I set that notion aside. I tabled it. I said to myself as clear as this may be, as potent a feeling as this is, as true a thing as I believe I witnessed today, it must wait. It must stand the test of time, and Michael, the time is now.
Michael. Dear Michael. Of course it’s you, who else could they send, who else could be trusted? I… I know it’s a long way and you’re ready to go to work… all I’m saying is just wait, just… just please just hear me out because this is not an episode, relapse, fuck-up, it’s… I’m begging you Michael. I’m begging you. Try to make believe this is not just madness because this is not just madness. Two weeks ago I came out of the building ok, I’m running across 6th avenue there’s a car waiting, I’ve got exactly 38 minutes to get to the airport and I’m dictating. There’s this panicked associate sprinting along beside me, scribbling in a notepad, and suddenly she starts screaming, and I realize we’re standing in the middle of the street, the light’s changed, there’s this wall of traffic, serious traffic speeding towards us, and I… I freeze, I can’t move, and I’m suddenly consumed with the overwhelming sensation that I’m covered in some sort of film. It’s in my hair, my face… it’s like a glaze… like a... a coating, and… at first I thought, oh my god, I know what this is, this is some sort of amniotic - embryonic - fluid. I’m drenched in afterbirth, I’ve breached the chrysalis, I’ve been reborn. But then the traffic, the stampede, the cars, the trucks, the horns, the screaming and I’m thinking no-no-no, reset, this is not rebirth, this is some kind of giddy illusion of renewal that happens in the final moment before death. And then I realize no-no-no, this is completely wrong because I look back at the building and I had the most stunning moment of clarity. I… I… I realized Michael, that I had emerged not from the doors of Kenner, Bach & Ledeen, not through the portals of our vast and powerful law firm, but from the asshole of an organism who’s sole function is to excrete the… the… the poison, the ammo, the defoliant necessary for other, larger, more powerful organisms to destroy the miracle of humanity. And that I had been coated in this patina of shit for the best part of my life. The stench of it and the sting of it would in all likelihood take the rest of my life to undue. And you know what I did? I took a deep cleansing breath and I set that notion aside. I tabled it. I said to myself as clear as this may be, as potent a feeling as this is, as true a thing as I believe I witnessed today, it must wait. It must stand the test of time, and Michael, the time is now.
Monday, June 22, 2009
Nights where you want to cry yourself to sleep
Well... maybe not that bad... but yeah, its been awhile since I've felt this shitty emotionally. I think on the outside I might be okay... but there seems to be a lot of inner turbulence. Things have been so busy and fulfilling these few months, so I'm not sure what's going on or even when the last time I had this feeling was. Its a lot of negativity I wish I didn't have... sleeping usually solves the problem, so good night world.
Wednesday, June 3, 2009
The fairer sex?
Thanks Puneet. This is an interesting article.
http://well.blogs.nytimes.com/2009/06/02/my-brief-life-as-a-woman/
and a link found rummaging through the comments
http://happinessinthisworld.com/2009/05/24/the-good-guy-contract/#more-2253
and the specific blog post that makes me want to read this guys blog more and more...
http://happinessinthisworld.com/2009/05/24/the-good-guy-contract/#more-2253
It's a worthwhile read. Something I took to heart at the last taiko conference was when Shoji Kameda was talking about putting on concerts and dealing with the person he usually goes to for lighting because she's really good. He'd often get into arguments with her about the way things happen, but this is something that should be relished. Some people are hard to work with because they have a specific vision of how to do thing and are less willing to let people push them around. There are typically two types of people we tend to like to deal with: People that are good at what they do... and nice people. There are people that can be neither... but they don't really apply to this particular situation. So yeah... which would you rather be?
It doesn't mean that the two are mutually exclusive... but there will be times as discussed in the blog post where being nice will conflict with your best interests whatever that may be. Do you just cave into the people pleasing state or do you grow a backbone and stick up for what you need to?
I suppose its pretty obvious where I stand on the issue... but like everything, I am still human... I find myself in the same position as the end of that article: having to find the courage to grit my teeth and be a jerk for real (I play the jerk all the freaking time =P since its kinda in my nature to do so but that weak self-esteem still pops up from time to time)
http://well.blogs.nytimes.com/2009/06/02/my-brief-life-as-a-woman/
and a link found rummaging through the comments
http://happinessinthisworld.com/2009/05/24/the-good-guy-contract/#more-2253
and the specific blog post that makes me want to read this guys blog more and more...
http://happinessinthisworld.com/2009/05/24/the-good-guy-contract/#more-2253
It's a worthwhile read. Something I took to heart at the last taiko conference was when Shoji Kameda was talking about putting on concerts and dealing with the person he usually goes to for lighting because she's really good. He'd often get into arguments with her about the way things happen, but this is something that should be relished. Some people are hard to work with because they have a specific vision of how to do thing and are less willing to let people push them around. There are typically two types of people we tend to like to deal with: People that are good at what they do... and nice people. There are people that can be neither... but they don't really apply to this particular situation. So yeah... which would you rather be?
It doesn't mean that the two are mutually exclusive... but there will be times as discussed in the blog post where being nice will conflict with your best interests whatever that may be. Do you just cave into the people pleasing state or do you grow a backbone and stick up for what you need to?
I suppose its pretty obvious where I stand on the issue... but like everything, I am still human... I find myself in the same position as the end of that article: having to find the courage to grit my teeth and be a jerk for real (I play the jerk all the freaking time =P since its kinda in my nature to do so but that weak self-esteem still pops up from time to time)
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